ORIGINAL!

Trump Admits This Whole Time He Just Wanted To Be Miss USA

Throughout my campaign, people keep saying to me “Donald, you’re the smartest person we know, but you’re not a politician, so why run for president?” Sure, I want to make America great again, and I’m the only one who can do it. But now that the shackles of the Republican establishment are off, I can finally admit the truth: I just want to be Miss USA.

Sure, I’ve owned pageants, watched pageants, leered at contestants backstage at pageants. Year after year, women were crowned Miss USA, while I was stuck on the sidelines thinking, “Why not the Donald?” I want the sash, the crown, the glory. That’s why I put these women down really—because I know I deserve it more than them.

I’m a winner, that’s an undisputed fact. But how could I win the Miss USA pageant if I wasn’t eligible? That’s when I realized that the ultimate Miss USA pageant was running for president.

If you ask me, it’s very unfair that men can’t compete. These women get to represent the whole country, and there’s no opportunities for men. What kind of system is that?

When I become president, which I definitely will, I’ll finally be the real Miss USA, just like I’ve always dreamed.

What’s next? Miss Universe!

https://aboveaverage.com/trump-admits-this-whole-time-he-just-wanted-to-be-miss-usa/

ORIGINAL!

Donald Trump Excited To Finally Be Crowned Miss America

Donald Trump is excited to take the stage Thursday at the Republican National Convention and accept the title of Miss America. This is something he has dreamed of since he was a little boy. “I can’t wait to get up there and have all those old white men hootin’ and hollerin’ for me. I feel like a real life Cinderella,” Trump absolutely said.

“Ted Cruz thought he was going to be voted Miss America. But I showed him. He’s not pretty at all, I am the prettiest boy in America. All the people think so,” Trump 100% told a group of reporters in his dressing room backstage at the RNC.

He’s definitely not cute enough to be my runner-up.

“I can’t believe Chris Christie thought he was going to be my First Runner Up Miss America. He is not cute at all. Mike Pence is so much cuter and nicer than Chris Christie will ever be, which is I picked him to be my best friend.”

Trump is already outlining his plan of attack for future pageants, “I can’t wait until the Miss World competition. I am going to show those NATO bitches what’s up.” This is the first year that an outsider like Trump will be crowned Miss America, and none of the judges are regretting their decision at all.

https://aboveaverage.com/donald-trump-excited-to-finally-be-crowned-miss-america-2/