By now, the world knows that Erin O’Flaherty is a lesbian, something she has been open about for five years but that didn’t get much attention until she was crowned Miss Missouri three weeks ago.
Then the media came calling, with appearances on Good Morning America and CNN, among others, labeling her the first open lesbian to participate in the Miss America pageant.
In a wide-ranging phone interview Friday with the Post-Dispatch, Flaherty, 23, who lives in south St. Louis, talked about body image, internet trolls, jury duty and preparing for the big night in Atlantic City. The following was edited for length and clarity.
Q: After winning, you had to begin immediately preparing for Miss America, which is Sept. 11 in Atlantic City. Then you got called for jury duty (this past week).
A: When I got the summons, I was like: ‘Are you kidding me?’ I have a trip to D.C. this weekend for Miss America orientation and I was so nervous that I would get picked for the case.
Q: Did you play the ‘Do you know who I am?’ card?
A: (Laughs). No. No I didn’t. The first day I got picked for a panel, went through all the questions, then was released to come back the next day, got called for another panel then released. I didn’t serve on a jury.
Q: You are from South Carolina, then went to college in Florida (majoring in legal studies). How did you end up in Missouri running a boutique in Chesterfield?
A: Well I was born on a farm in Ohio, and my dad is an animal scientist. Growing up we came to Missouri a lot. I always had family here. In fact, the boutique (Rachel’s Grove) I run, it’s my aunt’s boutique as well. There has always been something about St. Louis. I really developed a strong emotional tie to it. Every time I came here, it felt like home.
Q: One of the first events you participated in as Miss Missouri was PrideFest in downtown St. Louis. What was that like?
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A: It was so much fun to be welcomed by the community that I belong to. It was very timely because I’m getting a lot of media coverage and as much support as there is, there are mean, online trolls trying to bully me and tear me down. I expected people to be homophobic but I didn’t expect how many people it would be. That’s just my ignorance, being in my own little bubble where everyone accepts. It really opened my eyes to how much hate and ignorance there is.
Q: Does it help you to better understand the work you are doing? Your campaign platform is suicide prevention (at the age of 13, one of O’Flaherty’s close friends committed suicide).
A: It made me realize the work I’m doing for my platform is that much more important. I’m working in partnership with the Trevor Project (a national organization providing crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to LGBT young people).
Q: So many young women struggle with body image, seeing unrealistic portrayals of what beauty should look like in magazines, movies, etc. And I’d argue that beauty pageants also put across a certain image. How do you as a young woman talk to girls about beauty, body image and confidence?
A: One of my favorite quotes is ‘comparison is the thief of joy.’ Body image is huge. I began competing when I was 18 and threw myself into a world where I’m around beautiful women all the time. Most of what we see in the media is unrealistic, and I have to remind myself that if I feel good, that has to be OK. For most people, this is a beauty pageant. I don’t view it as that, but at the same time I have to walk across the stage in a swimsuit. Women have to focus on how they feel, not on the fact that they are being judged.
Q: After two years off from pageants, you decided to compete for Miss Missouri. Why?
A: Well, this would have been the last year for me. You can’t turn 25 during the year in which you are competing, which is how it would be for me next year. I just kept going back and forth about it. I’m established here. I have a home to maintain. Did it make sense for me? Pageants have enriched my life and it would allow me to get really involved in my platform and with the scholarship money, I’d be able to pay off some of my student loans (she won $12,000 and gets an additional $3,000 for competing in Miss America. If she wins the top crown, $50,000 would come her way).
Q: Do you think being open as Miss Missouri also will change perceptions about what a gay person is supposed to look like, or act like?
A: Absolutely. I think that’s so important. Most of the times, we’re just normal people living our lives. I’d love it if this had not been blown up and become national news, but since I’m in this position, I have a responsibility to break down some stereotypes and help people come into their own. I struggled for a long time. I didn’t think I fit in. Surely, I don’t fit in because I’m very feminine. I was imposing stereotypes on myself that didn’t exist. At the very least, I can open people’s minds. At the end of the year, after all the talk of first gay Miss Missouri, first gay Miss America (contestant), I want people to say, ‘wow, what a great Miss Missouri.’ And that talk of first, I want that conversation completely quiet.
http://www.stltoday.com/news/local/metro/new-miss-missouri-on-being-first-open-lesbian-to-win/article_9404e844-9029-5e20-b80a-c0461eea3b63.html